Seed condition of relationship

It’s just been only hours since we  are apart but I can feel the memories have come back to me. Your face. Your actions. Your laughter. I know these memories are going to bury me and haunt me in the lonely nights. They might make my tears run down sometimes.

My heart has also been broken so bad whenever I think about all the long way you’ve been through to bring us together again. You traveled far for me. You left many important things behind for me. It’s so heart-broken to imagine that now you are lonely after all the effort you made. I really wanna text you, to ease your heart, to sympathize with the terrible feelings you may be going through right now. Because only I know it. No-one else does, at least, at this moment.

But baby. You just don’t know how to appreciate all those hard works you made. You just don’t know how to truly enjoy the rare moments we’ve got when our lives crash. You have no idea how hard God has made the way for us to come back. Do you think it’s just easy and you can always take it for granted? No, babe. Let me tell you this. It might be easy to be happy  forever ever with someone else as long as they don’t cheat or turn to somebody else halfway. But not for me.

I am a sensitive creature and I warned you about this from very early. And you know, I judge my own sensitivity every single second. And I measure the peace in mind in every micrometer. Taking you everyday as a human, an individual who isn’t me and staying by my side most of the time, I really have to do that judgment for my state of mind. I am not being extreme. I am reasonable and being myself. Someone making me not myself is not a good choice, as you may often hear everywhere.

It’s been hard, and a bit nervous for me to deal with you on some certain subjects. Because, well, you complain me. OMG. You conclude my “fault” without examining the situation. You repeat my “mistakes” more than once, even when I was already clear that I wasn’t happy and I thought I did nothing wrong or at least I tried my best. You are harsh to deal with. You are not gentle and compassionate to the “mistakes” (you made for me) of mine. One time I even thought that we can’t communicate further. Working together on something has turned into a nightmare to me ever since, even though I was dying to do something with you, I was about to skip all of the doubt to get fun things done with you, and just with you. At its worst, you’ve been treating me like I were a misbehaved child. Babe, I’ve got one Father – and that’s enough.

Babe. Isn’t it just overjoyed to be together? Isn’t it just fulfilled to be by each other side’s? Otherwise you didn’t make that whole long way, remember? Why do you complain? Why do you cause hard time for me being too judgmental? You just forget something important. You are back for a happiness that you’ve been longing for. And you also forget that happiness is made by you yourself, not just by being together.

Babe. I will try to go ego-less for life, taking all the disadvantage that life throws on me. I can try to go ego-less on you too, but only when you are a stranger to me, or just a friend. Why do you think a girl would stay with a life-mate who threatens her peace? Money? Physical attraction? No. Babe. I told you already. No physical for me. Just mind. Just connection.

And…unfortunately, not only to me, you also don’t seem attractive dealing with other people. Baby, everyone wants peace, not difficulty, even you. And everybody does fight against some battle that you know nothing about. Everybody does very stupid things sometimes. Im sure you did too, stupid in your way. We’re all stupid once in a while. Same. And We all need sympathy from others.

The more the attractive quality of yours drops in my eyes, the more my affection for you gets pulled down back to zero… Its so sad to say that I’ve got headaches being with you.

That’s how I’ll walk away without feeling regretful about our relationship… Unless you change.

That’s how I can break up with someone even when no cheating involved, no third party involved…

I might be a little bit over sensitive, but that just how I’ve been working on my life and how I guard my soul.

I’m gonna miss you like hell. But I’m not gonna come back. I really truly honestly hope you are well, from every piece of my broken heart. Lots of love.